- Why did the carpenter quit his job? He was board.
- What is the fastest way to annoy a doctor? Take away his patients.
- What kind of music do steel workers love? Heavy Metal.
- What peice of jewlery do boxers always wear? A ring.
- How did the salesman call his client? He used the sell phone.
- How did the carpenter break his teeth? He chewed his nails.
- When is it the most difficult time to catch a frog? In leap year.
- What is a frog's favorite game? Croak-ay.
- Why did the otter cross the road? To get to the otter side.
- What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert? No thanks, I'm stuffed.
- What did the toad say after hearing one of the rabbit's jokes? You croak me up!
- What kind of turtle always has a bad attitude? A snapping turtle.
- What do you call a sick alligator? An illigator?
- What do you call a 100-year old ant? An antique.
- What kind of ant is good at math? An account-ant.
- Where do polar bears like to vacation? Brrr-muda.
- What do you get when you cross between a snowman and an alligator? Frostbite.
- What do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- What happens when a toad's car breaks down? It gets toad away.
- How do bears walk around? With bear feet.
- what do you call a group of mice in disguise? A mousequerade party.
- What has twelve legs, six eyes, three tails and cannot see? Three blind mice.
- Where does a skunk sit in a church? In a p-u.
- What do you call 2 spiders that just married? Newlywebs.
BRAINTEASERS AND MIND STUMPERS
- Little Tommy suddenly found himself surrounded by thirty galloping horses, 25 charging bears, and 10 roaring lions. How did he survive this situation? He got off the carousel.
- A man rode into town on Monday, stayed 5 days, then rode out on Monday. How is this possible? His horse was named Monday!
- If a bungalow is red, and everything in it is red, what color are the stairs? Bungalows don't have stairs.
- Four cars come to a four-way stop, each coming from North, South, East or West. It isn't clear who arrived first so they all go at the same time. No one crashes, but all four cars successfully continue on their way. How is this possible? They all made right-hand turns.
- An archaeologist found a copin dated 62 BC and immediately declared it a fraud. How did he know it wasn't real? Because BC stands for "Before Christ." This dating system wasn't used until after Christ had been born.
- A boat has a ladder with 6 rungs. Each rung is one foot apart from the other. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water? None. The boat rises with the tide.
- A baseball team scored four runs in one inning, but not one man reached home. Why not? It was a girl's team.
- A round house was robbed. The son says he was playing a video game. The maid said she was cleaning the corners. the mom said she was cooking, and the daughter said that she was in her room. Who was the robber? The maid. A round house does not have corners.
- If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field, and four haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field? One. If he combined hem all, they would make on big haystack.
- What do you call something with a head, a tail, but no body? A coin
- rad one liner: a senior citizen called her husband during his drive home, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90, please be careful!" Herman said, "It's not just one car. There's hundreds of them!"
